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It's interesting how you process information, especially information that is traumatic. I never really wanted to learn about the United States Justice System, and my brain never really wanted to process this, but it does. As I work through the stages of confusion, grief, anger and desperation, I realize that this is all normal. People go through this every day, in far worse scenarios. When you have a situation that stops your world, the brain kicks in. You start absorbing everything pertinent to your situation.

As a mother, we are all aware of how our children can affect our moods, and in fact change our lives. As I wait for a letter from Daniel I think about all of the years that I should have, could have changed. The reality, is that I am where I am today, in spite of all of the years, love, pain and turmoil. My son is somewhere in the prison system. We really have no idea what he does every day. Is he safe? Is someone monitering his health? Does he have glasses? Where does he shower. The questions can go on and on.

I haven't received a call from Daniel since they took him to Jackson on November 19th. I did get 3 letters, but none for about a week now. I hate not knowing what is going on. I am quite certain nobody will ever call me and tell me that he is in trouble, or hurt, or sick. I think it is up to me to figure out where to go to get answers.